So I woke up today feeling the same as I did yesterday. It all started with a picture I saw of some of the girlsand myself on alyssa's phone 10/2. We visited this beautiful palace where I could really imagine my self being a princess, so of course we took a picture out front.
When I saw the picture I looked huge. I don't know if it is just my comparison with everyone else, which I know is a bad thing to do, or it is just how I perceive myself.
That is what bugs me the most is that it takes 1 second for me to knock down all of the emtional strength that I have had. It is funny because just a week ago I was talking with Kristen about all of these same things and how I have to conquer them mentally, but then I get to a point like this and I can just have no way to think positively about my body type.
My worst thought was "How could the boy I like ever like me back?" Look at those line of girls, why would anyone pick me out of that lineup. I think that is one of the hardest thoughts. I don't do well with so little to encourage me.
Now this is not a motivator to "accept my body type and not change" I think that is a foolish mentally, but I hope to always look for and work toward my potential. Then today I also realized that if I need to get skinny in order to be happy with the way I look in picture, what about when I get baby weight and see my picture then. I don't have a plan but I do understand that this could be a problem on the future.
And no one can truly understand. I don't need a pep talk, I need a change. I want to talk to everyone about it, but they never actually make me feel better. That is ok, I don't expect them to know me perfectly, but it is hard to feel alone. The joy is I know that Christ helps me through it.
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