Being Desirable vs. Being Ugly

So the next few posts are reflections on the last few months.

After talking with my lovely guy friends on study abroad it made me reflect on what guys want. Well more like they told me what they want. I have always had a problem with he idea of locking eyes with someone across the room and then having it be all down here from there. After a few years of going to dances I decided that was never going to be a possibility for me. To be honest that is kind of a hard thing to realize. Every girl wants to be immediately attractive to someone. And I realized that was not me.

Normally in a situation like this my self-esteem plummets and goes straight to thoughts of just being plain old ugly. I go all the way to the bottom of the bin. The difference this time was that I realized I wasn't ugly I just am not immediately desirable. That experience of catching eyes across the room was never going to happen to me as long as I don't have the whole package. To put it bluntly for as long as I weigh 186 lbs. To be honest this is the best motivation I have ever had. I don't feel completely unattractive, just initially.

Now since that realization I feel that I have had more success, but of course it has not been 100%. This idea had made some of my struggles much easier because that are not as severe. I have high hopes that over time I can see how this change has affected me.